To Blog Or Not To Blog?

It's been another 3 months since my last post and I'm still here, so I guess that means I haven't really answered that question. I go back and forth between wanting a place to process my thoughts and wondering if I really have anything interesting to say. Sometimes it's a cathartic exercise where I get stuff off my chest and other times I think to myself, "Who cares?" If I have anything important to say I'll usually say it in person, over chat, or in an email. So, what's the point of having a blog or blogging in general?

Any blogging I've done in the past 3 months hasn't been here and what little there has been was on a parenting blog where I was asked to be a contributor a few months ago. I was about as successful at that site as I've been here, perhaps a bit more so, but I just really couldn't post as much as the blog needed and frankly deserved. I wasn't the only one who fell short of posting weekly as most others qualified at about the same frequency I did, but I couldn't exactly feel too bad since while I wasn't blogging on parenting I was actually spending time parenting.

A few days ago I walked away from that particular blog and since I didn't live up to the promise I'd made to be a contributor I really can't complain that much about anything that transpired, but after the creator of the blog posted about the lack of activity on the site and its prospects for the future, one of the bloggers that had been active went on a very long rant. She wrote about the "measly" and "lousy" efforts of those (including myself) who hadn't put in their proper amount of posts which I couldn't dispute, but the overall tone of the post had been very offensive to me and I said so. What followed was a war of words I helped to fuel, but ultimately I tried to wave a flag of truce only to get a virtual slap in the face for my trouble.

In the days since I left, the blog has gone on largely as if nothing ever happened and I don't suppose that's unusual for many blogs after a flame war. I've been on many sites where people have posted less than flattering things about others and rarely have any of them gotten me very upset. Much like those other sites I chose to leave of my own accord since no one needs to deal with that kind of abuse. However, this one was different since I personally know the site's creator as well as more than a couple of the other posters who had been called out as giving "zero effort" by this particular contributor. What bothered me was that no one else (except my wife who was also writing for the blog) seemed to much care about what the person had said about me or their own efforts on the site.

As I just mentioned, I've left more than a couple sites where individuals had said nasty things about me or something I posted, so perhaps it's hypocritical of me to expect a different standard from others, but I felt very alone in my rebuttal to this woman's charges. I shouldn't have spoken for anyone else but myself and probably not said anything at all, but when I felt that decent people doing their best were being attacked I went on the offensive. I didn't expect anyone to take sides in the war of words that followed but some balanced response...frankly any response...about this woman's charges was apparently more than I should have expected.

So, I guess live and learn is the lesson I should take out of the whole thing, but I can't shake my feeling that if someone you call a friend sticks their neck out and nearly gets it cut off, you jump in and defend them! I'm not saying you blindly agree with what they did or said, but in that moment when they are being cut down you just react. If you think they were a bonehead for saying what they did or for saying anything at all that's fine. However, that can come later after the attack is over and they can lick their wounds.

Maybe that's just me and I'm just completely out there on a limb. That's fine. I can live with that. I just wonder if blogging, something originally created as a means of staying in touch with people you care about, is now all about stroking each other's egos and finding people who tell us what we want to hear. The anonymous nature of blogging makes it pretty easy to attack anyone you don't agree with in a way you'd never do in person. And these days the point of a blog is often more about how many hits you get than really giving a crap about what anyone is saying. If that's all that blogging is about, then it's not for me. We'll just have to see if that's the final conclusion I'm eventually able to draw, but I definitely hope I come to a different one.

The Beginning of the Beginning

I haven't blogged for months now and I know exactly why. My posts aren't perfect. Yep, that's the reason. I've tried to make my posts entertaining and interesting, but get caught up in formatting them "just so" or getting pictures linked. I see what others manage to do on a regular basis and I wonder how they create such flowing blogs. I can't seem to do that, or at least it doesn't seem to get done.

A lot has happened the last few months and to capture it all in a single post or even a series of posts wouldn't do it justice. I've struggled mightily with my demons and never seem to get very far. The one constant is my family and my daily routine of taking care of my son. He's a wonderful boy who takes life as it comes. He waves to everyone and says, "Bye! See ya later!" with such a calm that I wish I could attain. I think I can, but it will take much practice.

I don't know what will become of this blog. I'd like to think I will write regularly and without the pressure to produce an entertaining blog perhaps it will happen anyway. But if it doesn't, oh well. Such is life. That may sound crass, but it is a difficult concept for me. Over the last couple years I have begun to consider myself a Buddhist, but only in the most passing way since I haven't had much time to devote to reading about it. Learning more about it terrifies me in a way because it might motivate me to change things in my life. Being a Buddhist, by definition, is very hard to do in isolation. There are some things that can be done of course, but taking refuge in a sangha is really an integral part of the whole deal.

I am still a Gen X Dad. That won't change, so there's no reason to change the title of the blog. I've been working on the zendo. Maybe you'll see it, maybe you won't. That's the point I expect. Not to anticipate what could be instead of focusing here and now on what is. I don't tend to do that very much. I have grown weary of the aimless journey I have been on and wouldn't have know any better had it not been for my wife and son. I realize now what I could be missing if I don't think about what I could be missing. Cryptic? Perhaps.

Wake up!

Sick Days, Part II

I was trying to be positive about the fact that I hadn't gotten sick while the boy had a bad cold, but within a day or two of my last post I got that familiar prickly feeling in my throat. Fortunately we didn't overlap too much other than watching his cough, although his schedule of activities had to be curtailed. He doesn't seem to mind it really which I find amazing and keeps on plugging along.

I might regret saying this, but I think the transition to the big boy bed is just about complete since he likes being tucked in now! The next challenge is potty training which I have some trepidation about since it's one of those things that doesn't just come to you naturally...teaching it I mean. ;) I try not to listen to horror stories like every other milestone event and think of the situation from his point of view. In the last few months he's shown an aversion to having anything foreign in his pants, so I'm thinking that will probably help.

I feel like I have so much to do around the house, with little projects outnumbering big ones, but that usually is harder for me since I feel so scattered. I think I just have to attack one little thing each day and see how it goes for awhile or it's going to overwhelm me. Even my blogging feels scattered, but I usually feel more focused after I've done an entry. Hopefully that'll hold true today too.

Is Blogger's spellcheck working? Doesn't seem to be fore me. See, I spelled "for" as "fore" just now! I'll have to investigate that, eh? ;)

Sick Days

I've finally gotten back to blogging today and I'm never sure how long its going to last. Most of the time it's just because I'm busy and blogging is always low enough on the priority list that I don't get to it. That isn't to say I don't want to do it since I do! There's just been too many different things to get done in a day.

Today my little one has a pretty bad cold and although it has resulted in some days where I feel completely frazzled, he's doing well. He's able to sleep for the most part which is good because about a week ago at this time he wasn't. We finally made the switch to a "big boy" bed and he didn't take to it very well. Bedtimes were fine, but naps have been another story. He's able to get out of the bed but doesn't yet know how to get back in, so we have to put him back in every time. We also had to remove the lamp from the room because he was having a ball turning the light switch on and off.

I certainly don't want to convey a "woe is me" attitude since overall the boy has done amazingly well with transitions like this. It just takes up a lot of time and weekdays it's just me. I've fallen behind on sleep for sure which doesn't help the situation, but his tolerance has always been an inspiration to mine. I really do want to get back on track with projects, like the Zen Room, which is currently full of carpeting I had to pull up from the kitchen (yes, you read that correctly). Let's just say that carpeting and kids eating don't mix very well, so that became a priority.

The boy is waking up from his nap in a coughing fit, so I'll end here. Hopefully I still have some readership left out there. ;)

Blizzards and Tornadoes

For those of you not familiar with the weather on the East Coast we don't really get many a tornado, but we do get plenty of blizzards. Right now we're getting snow coming down so hard with such strong winds that it's literally moving sideways. And it's not supposed to get much better over the next couple days with forecasts calling for as much as a foot and up to two feet for some points east of here. It can really bite the big one, but as natural disasters go it's pretty tame since very few ever lose their houses like in tornadoes or earthquakes unless you don't shovel off your roof after the third foot starts to accumulate.

As for tornadoes, I'm not speaking of the weather related phenomenon, but instead of my son who turned 2 this past July. That leaves him right smack in the middle of what many describe as the "Terrible Twos" which leaves me scratching my head on a daily basis at this point. While I still think some overreact and demonize this point in a toddler's life by exaggerating tales of disobedience to the level of a minor war, there is much to ponder when it comes to the behavior the boy has been displaying of late. He wails about getting his way when if he'd merely asked for the thing in the first place I would have given it to him without question. When he doesn't get his way he crawls across the floor like he's reverting to a previous state in his development. By the end of the day it does look like the aftermath of a battlefield much of the time, but more than getting frustrated with him I'm interested to figure out what exactly is going on inside his head and I don't think it's just because he feels like being a royal pain.

So, for the first time in awhile I think I'll be turning to some of the child development books we bought before my son was even born. In many instances I have avoided reading them for fear I'd become one of those parents that asks the doctor why my kid isn't meeting every little developmental milestone at the exact moment the books tell me he should. That isn't to say I never look, but he knows most letters and numbers and his vocabulary is growing daily to the point where I can actually have a conversation with him! That also entails him getting into more trouble as his skills advance and is resulting in this most recent stage in his growth. More than anything, my common sense tells me that his "terrible" behavior is just the understandable stress of learning how to become a sentient being where everything is just a little bit alien to him. And if any of us were put in a similar situation, I think we'd be more than a little bit cranky too.