A boy thing?

It's been awhile since my last post, but I'm happy to report that we've had no further trips to triage! Our OB has continued to raise Julie's insulin doses, especially her nighttime one, as the doctor would like to get her fasting rate lower. Despite that, however, all signs point to a normal pregnancy. The reality of the situation has continued to hit us both at odd times, but the progression continues to be gradual. I have no doubt we'll conquer any obstacles as we begin our baby classes this month, but as the Boy Scouts say, "Be Prepared!"

As people who know me can attest, I have been fascinated by the different ways the modern father's role is described. Whether it be in the media, nurses and doctors, or your average "Joe and Jane" on the street, one encounters a spectrum of attitudes, prejudices, and even sexist remarks...often from women no less! However, those with whom I share a gender are often the most egregious offenders. I often ask myself the age old question: "Are these stereotypical attitudes towards gender inherent or learned?" And while I have gathered a lot of information on the issue, I have come to no great conclusion. Yet, I continue the attempt.

As the pregnancy has progressed, I have experienced first hand how the role of fathers during pregnancy is regarded. Some have been undoubtedly positive, such as a book called The Expectant Father, by Armin Brott. Inside, Mr. Brott provides an atmosphere of partnership and support for each other during pregnancy. It does maintain some old sterotypes, but overall it gives fathers space to learn how to support their wives and voice their fears and concerns too. At times Julie has told me that my book has been more informative than hers!

On the other hand, I have also seen the "bad" side of things. Earlier this week we got a call from our new pediatrician's office reminding us of "Julie's prenatal appointment." My first question (jokingly of course) was, "When is my prenatal appointment then?" Nearly every magazine in print regarding pregnancy includes the word "Mom," Mothers," or "Maternity" in the title, but I have yet to see the word "Dads" "Fathers" or "Paternity". As I already stated, there are resources for fathers, but they are clearly in the minority. And then today I read an article in a year-old issue of Fit Pregnancy magazine titled, "You've Got Males" about the relationship between a mother, her two boys, and her husband. It's a quick read and, in my opinion, a perfect example of how stereotypes of men held by women as well as an instance of a man exemplifying those very stereotypes affect children.

I think my wife agrees with me for the most part, although I wonder if she thinks I'm obsessing too much about instances like these (me obsess about things?) and should just let them go. If I'm right, it's good advice she's giving me and with how much we both have to deal with I'd do well to take it to heart. However, I can't help feeling that, at times, society views fathers as an optional add-on accessory. This impression isn't without cause as deadbeat dads litter the court system, but while the media also reports on moms who have abandoned their children, I have rarely if ever heard the term deadbeat attached to their names.

So, we are brought back to the age old question again and still I am not capable of imparting great wisdom on the subject. Am I saying that men won't run away from their responsibilities? No. Am I saying there are just as many women who do so? No. Am I saying that men are better than women at raising a child? Certainly not! So, what am I saying? Quite simply, I am saying that I believe any parent, male or female, is capable of any type of behavior and that gender stereotypes are best left in the past. I look forward to a time when people regularly throw baby showers including men and women without wondering if relatives will be offended and where mothers and fathers are regarded as equal partners in bringing a child into this world. Perhaps I am looking for a perfect world or am holding on to a fantasy, but to me the first step will be discarding those who say, "It's a boy (or girl) thing" to excuse their sexist behavior. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have my own learning...and unlearning...to do.