The Beginning of the Beginning

I haven't blogged for months now and I know exactly why. My posts aren't perfect. Yep, that's the reason. I've tried to make my posts entertaining and interesting, but get caught up in formatting them "just so" or getting pictures linked. I see what others manage to do on a regular basis and I wonder how they create such flowing blogs. I can't seem to do that, or at least it doesn't seem to get done.

A lot has happened the last few months and to capture it all in a single post or even a series of posts wouldn't do it justice. I've struggled mightily with my demons and never seem to get very far. The one constant is my family and my daily routine of taking care of my son. He's a wonderful boy who takes life as it comes. He waves to everyone and says, "Bye! See ya later!" with such a calm that I wish I could attain. I think I can, but it will take much practice.

I don't know what will become of this blog. I'd like to think I will write regularly and without the pressure to produce an entertaining blog perhaps it will happen anyway. But if it doesn't, oh well. Such is life. That may sound crass, but it is a difficult concept for me. Over the last couple years I have begun to consider myself a Buddhist, but only in the most passing way since I haven't had much time to devote to reading about it. Learning more about it terrifies me in a way because it might motivate me to change things in my life. Being a Buddhist, by definition, is very hard to do in isolation. There are some things that can be done of course, but taking refuge in a sangha is really an integral part of the whole deal.

I am still a Gen X Dad. That won't change, so there's no reason to change the title of the blog. I've been working on the zendo. Maybe you'll see it, maybe you won't. That's the point I expect. Not to anticipate what could be instead of focusing here and now on what is. I don't tend to do that very much. I have grown weary of the aimless journey I have been on and wouldn't have know any better had it not been for my wife and son. I realize now what I could be missing if I don't think about what I could be missing. Cryptic? Perhaps.

Wake up!