What Else? :)

It's been a busy time for my wife and I as we pass the 31 week mark of the pregnancy. In the past week we've had two baby showers, one last Sunday for friends and family living near my parents and another yesterday given by Julie's co-workers. The one over the weekend was planned by our friends Jen and Chuck with help from Chuck's Mom and Aunt. My brother and his family were there along with my parents and friends of theirs in a room at the Golden Arrow Resort in Lake Placid. And I would say without a doubt that the highlight of the event was revealing the gender of our little one: IT'S A BOY!!!

We were able (or should I say my wife was able) to move up our ultrasound appointment to last Friday when it had originally been scheduled to take place after the shower had passed. I think a few people suspected and my Dad was even able to guess the name! I can't express fully how happy we are to have a healthy baby boy whom we no longer have to refer to as "it"! According to our OB, the baby is exactly the size and weight he should be and Julie's sugar levels are right on target. However, she started non-stress tests this week which will continue until he is born and, if they believe he isn't responding the way he should be, they could take him at any time. For now, though, he's looking good.

We got a lot of very nice gifts at the shower, including a handmade blanket from my mother, about a dozen books, and two "tubs" of baby stuff from Jen & Chuck! Eveyone was so happy for us, although my neice Breanna thought it would be a girl. But, don't all 8 year old girls think boys are icky? :) I'm quite sure she'll come around. Jen and her crew put on a wonderful event with homemade food and a welcoming atmosphere. The shower yesterday put on by my wife's co-workers was more low key, but it always feels good to have your workplace show support for an impending birth.

So, as I look forward to the weeks ahead I'm going to try to post more regularly. The inevitability of the baby's arrival has never seemed more real as space in the nursey shrinks at almost the same rate that he grows inside my wife's belly. We have birthing classes, an increasing number of OB visits, and so much baby gear to get organized. So, I'll do my best to keep up with more frequent entries! Sometimes I wonder how we'll fit the little man into our already busy lives, but once we're holding him in our arms I don't think any of that concern will be left. In fact, we'll probably start to wonder how we ever got along without him.

A boy thing?

It's been awhile since my last post, but I'm happy to report that we've had no further trips to triage! Our OB has continued to raise Julie's insulin doses, especially her nighttime one, as the doctor would like to get her fasting rate lower. Despite that, however, all signs point to a normal pregnancy. The reality of the situation has continued to hit us both at odd times, but the progression continues to be gradual. I have no doubt we'll conquer any obstacles as we begin our baby classes this month, but as the Boy Scouts say, "Be Prepared!"

As people who know me can attest, I have been fascinated by the different ways the modern father's role is described. Whether it be in the media, nurses and doctors, or your average "Joe and Jane" on the street, one encounters a spectrum of attitudes, prejudices, and even sexist remarks...often from women no less! However, those with whom I share a gender are often the most egregious offenders. I often ask myself the age old question: "Are these stereotypical attitudes towards gender inherent or learned?" And while I have gathered a lot of information on the issue, I have come to no great conclusion. Yet, I continue the attempt.

As the pregnancy has progressed, I have experienced first hand how the role of fathers during pregnancy is regarded. Some have been undoubtedly positive, such as a book called The Expectant Father, by Armin Brott. Inside, Mr. Brott provides an atmosphere of partnership and support for each other during pregnancy. It does maintain some old sterotypes, but overall it gives fathers space to learn how to support their wives and voice their fears and concerns too. At times Julie has told me that my book has been more informative than hers!

On the other hand, I have also seen the "bad" side of things. Earlier this week we got a call from our new pediatrician's office reminding us of "Julie's prenatal appointment." My first question (jokingly of course) was, "When is my prenatal appointment then?" Nearly every magazine in print regarding pregnancy includes the word "Mom," Mothers," or "Maternity" in the title, but I have yet to see the word "Dads" "Fathers" or "Paternity". As I already stated, there are resources for fathers, but they are clearly in the minority. And then today I read an article in a year-old issue of Fit Pregnancy magazine titled, "You've Got Males" about the relationship between a mother, her two boys, and her husband. It's a quick read and, in my opinion, a perfect example of how stereotypes of men held by women as well as an instance of a man exemplifying those very stereotypes affect children.

I think my wife agrees with me for the most part, although I wonder if she thinks I'm obsessing too much about instances like these (me obsess about things?) and should just let them go. If I'm right, it's good advice she's giving me and with how much we both have to deal with I'd do well to take it to heart. However, I can't help feeling that, at times, society views fathers as an optional add-on accessory. This impression isn't without cause as deadbeat dads litter the court system, but while the media also reports on moms who have abandoned their children, I have rarely if ever heard the term deadbeat attached to their names.

So, we are brought back to the age old question again and still I am not capable of imparting great wisdom on the subject. Am I saying that men won't run away from their responsibilities? No. Am I saying there are just as many women who do so? No. Am I saying that men are better than women at raising a child? Certainly not! So, what am I saying? Quite simply, I am saying that I believe any parent, male or female, is capable of any type of behavior and that gender stereotypes are best left in the past. I look forward to a time when people regularly throw baby showers including men and women without wondering if relatives will be offended and where mothers and fathers are regarded as equal partners in bringing a child into this world. Perhaps I am looking for a perfect world or am holding on to a fantasy, but to me the first step will be discarding those who say, "It's a boy (or girl) thing" to excuse their sexist behavior. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have my own learning...and unlearning...to do.

Paging Peg Bushey

We had a bit of a scare today that turned into an educational experience. Last night my wife Julie was feeling a bit faint, seeing the tunnel that many people describe when they are light headed. I got her into bed and, while we were concerned, it just seemed like one of those things women have to deal with in pregnancy that I unfortunately have no power to control. The doctors had upped her daily insulin dose as well as the number of shots from 1 to 4 per day, so we figured that must be the cause. She'd also had a similar incident at work a few weeks ago where she blacked out completely, but still we weren't overly concerned.

However, around 10 this morning Julie called me as I was preparing for a doctor appointment of my own and told me she had phoned the OB about her symptoms from the previous evening. Apparently the doctors WERE very concerned and Julie was waiting to hear back from them as to whether she should be admitted to the hospital! I quickly found the number for my appointment, left a message canceling, and almost immediately got a call from Julie with the verdict: we were headed to the triage unit!

Now, while "triage" sounds pretty serious, we arrived on the birthing floor to find a very nice and relaxed nurse at a reception desk. It became apparent that this was the staging area for pregnancy related issues. After taking some blood for tests, we soon learned that a VERY young expectant mom was just next door to our cubicle with a woman we could only guess was her mother. There was no evidence of a father and her young voice was clearly filled with fear. After a few minutes, the nurse went in to say that her baby was coming and that she would be moved to a room shortly. It was kind of exciting to hear about another expectant mom, but a conversation that was to soon follow nearly brought tears to my eyes.

By now everyone has seen or heard stories of young unwed mothers, whether it be on the news, in the paper, or a Lifetime movie of the week usually starring the mother from Family Ties. In this case it was hard to determine the age of our new "neighbor," but her unwed status became very clear. After being told she was about to deliver she called her father to tell him the news, but by the time the conversation ended her excitement had turned quickly to sadness. "What did he say?", asked the mother. Fighting back tears, the soon to be mom replied, "I told him he was going to be a grandpa soon and he said, 'Well, not really. You'd have to be married for that to be official.' He made me feel awful." There was a bit of a pause, after which her mother said quietly, "That's just the way he is."

Soon after that exchange, the nurses came for the two women and we didn't hear any more about them. We both felt a bit guilty having listened to their private conversation, but I think we both wonder how she made out and, perhaps more importantly, how she makes out when she goes home. I have often wondered how much parents' behavior affects their children. And while I have come to no great conclusions, I know that every child, regardless of what sins they allegedly commit, deserves nothing less than unconditional love from those they love unconditionally.

As for us, all the tests they ran came back normal and any concern about preeclampsia, the condition they thought most likely to cause her symptoms, seems to have abated for now. We ended up waiting nearly 4 hours for the results and I tried to keep Julie entertained. I'd make up jokes, tell stories, and use the bed straps as a makeshift slingshot to gently "thwack" Julie (she'd probably take exception to my use of the word 'gently') in her side. At one point, over the loudspeaker came the following announcement: "Paging Peg Bushey, paging Peg Bushey". Right on cue, both of us starting laughing uncontrollably, causing the fetal heart monitor Julie was hooked to screech just as loudly. Whether that name ranks up there with "Amanda Huginkiss" and "I.P. Freely" or if it was just the fact that we'd been staring at the patients bill of rights in English and Spanish translations for hours, I can't really say. But I'll never forget this day, or the young woman next to us, and I wonder how her day (as well as Ms. Bushey's) turned out.

Time Flies

To say that time has been passing quickly has become the understatement of our lives! My wife will be 26 weeks tomorrow and the idea that Julie & I will be bringing an infant home in less than 3 months is beginning to settle in our collective consciousness. I wouldn't say that it's hit me from out of the blue as it is actually more gradual than I expected. It's not something you notice from one day to the next, but when Thursday comes and another week has passed you really notice the changes.

In my last entry we had just ordered the nursery furniture and three days later it was at Babies R Us! The three pieces made their way here on Saturday, I had the crib up later that day, and the next few days were spent cleaning out the nursery. You can view the pictures here. Julie & I are both very pleased with all the pieces we bought, although we may need one more before the baby arrives. We also have a glider/rocker chair coming from Simon's Baby Furniture in Pittsford, but that's being built custom and won't be here for a few weeks yet.

The other news is that our OB, in consultation with another doctor in the practice, has been raising Julie's insulin dosage steadily over the last few weeks. However, she was able to take it all in 1 shot per day. Then this week they decided to space it out and raise the number of shots to 3. One for morning, another before dinner, and the last before bed! She's being a real trooper about the whole thing and shows me how much strength she has each and every day. Sure she has tough days, but she always seems to rise above it all.

So, we continue to look forward to our new arrival, but we're also developing an appreciation for the weekends we have together. In many ways they have become routine: go to Wegmans, get to the mall for those little things, a required stop at Babies R Us, and an early dinner. However, we know full well that things will change soon and, while we do lament the loss of our "independence" from time to time, we're so looking forward to sharing weekends, trips, and every day for about the next 18 years (give or take a few) with our little one. Oh how the time will fly...but we wouldn't have it any other way.

Together Again

It's been a couple weeks since my last post, but not because of a lack of baby related happenings! Julie & I have been making our final decisions on the nursery and ordered the furniture over the weekend. I've already had a request from my dad to put pictures of them up as soon as we can, so I will debut the nursery with the kid's stuff when we get it set up. The two larger pieces, an armoire and a changing table will come fully assembled, but I'll have to put the crib together and will likely have my father in law's help (as well as his truck!). It's supposed to be here in about 7 days, so we're hopeful there will be a debut by this time next week. Stay tuned for any updates!

Over the last week or so both Julie & I have been reading ahead on what to expect the first few days, weeks, and months after the baby arrives. There's a lot out there for us to know! I won't speak for Julie, but deep down I have a feeling that we'll have instincts to guide us for most of it and that a lot of trial and error will be involved. I'll warn both sets of grandparents right now that there will probably be a number of late night phone calls! They may be filled with reports that the screaming in the background must be bubonic plague when a diaper rash is a more likely prognosis! We'll do our very best to stay calm at all times when we're on the hotline, but we can't make any promises.

As I mentioned in an earlier entry, I've been thinking back to my childhood and the things my parents introduced me to as a little one. They are the usual suspects: Peter Rabbit, Curious George, Paddington Bear, and just about every educational program on PBS. But none is more treasured that my old friends who lived on Sesame Street. Fortunately, they are still around and more present than ever in our culture. They weren't just TV shows since they were a constant presence in books, stories, and my imagination. I couldn't imagine our progeny without them! And no other characters were more beloved than Bert & Ernie.

To my eternal dismay, recent commentators have questioned their "lifestyle" in a PC world run amuck, but as a child I always had a better explanation: they were brothers silly! To a young stocky boy who grew up with a tall sprouting twig of a sibling, it didn't ever seem that odd that they slept in the same room and shared their daily lives. So, whether or not others think they were brothers, those lovable Muppets were best of friends...and now they're together again to fill another child's imagination with their adventures. And, by the way, did you notice that everyone can see Snufalufagus now? What is up with that!?!