Stolen Identities

A quick entry to report that our identity was stolen this week! I won't give out any specific details since the case will eventually go to court, but a couple of employees at a store my wife and I frequent got our credit card number and used it twice. The authorities already know who did it and were actually tipped off by the owners of the store, so we heard about it before we or the credit card company knew anything was wrong!

So, now we have to cancel our cards and get new ones, but that's nothing compared to some other folks who got fives times the number of charges we did. My wife already gave a statement and we should get our money "back" before we even have to pay the bill, so I think we were incredibly lucky it wasn't any worse. In the past something like this would have completely freaked me out, but now I think it's just the price you pay for living life these days. I put anything with our address on it through the shredder and keep our computers virus software updated, figuring it's the least I can do to keep our information safe. However, if someone wants the information bad enough they'll get it and there wouldn't be anything I could do about it.

To me, it's very similar to a quote I've heard about terrorism: "If you change what you do or who you are because of terrorism, they win." Of course it's easy for me to say that and it might seem an extreme example to some, but in terms of the stress your body goes through you can't let fear of any kind dominate your life. If you do, you haven't really been living anyway.

The Little Man

Quite awhile ago I promised my readers some newer pictures of the boy, so here they are! These are from back in August and I'll bring everyone up to date over the next few posts. In the first picture you'll see our hero grabbing the cat which has become one of his favorite pastimes (and probably the cat's least favorite). At this point he was still crawling and had become very skilled at maneuvering around the apartment. We were wondering if he was getting behind on his development, but the pediatrician told us not to worry. Besides, the boy would usually crawl faster than I could walk next to him, so why would he walk when crawling was quicker? :)

In this second shot, you can see the boy using his cart/walker which really got him moving. At first he would just walk behind it in a straight line and then look confused when he ran into something. However, like so many other things in his development, one day he just learned how to turn and after that he rarely walked on his hands and knees anymore. He took it for laps around the dinning room table at breakneck speeds and would fall down from time to time, but he'd just look at us, laugh, and get right back up for another trek! The boy would get so excited about being mobile and his laughter and smiles were always contagious. He's just such a natural comedian and never ceases to find ways to make us as happy as he obviously feels.

After keeping it rather quiet for awhile now, I finally have to admit that the boy is the best sleeper we've ever heard of...ever. He sleeps over 10 hours a night and takes two naps during the day. While he loves to look at the cars go by while in the car, more often than not I have the view from the picture below when I look back at him. He can tolerate us talking up front and hardly ever cries or begs for attention. He just always seems so content with simple things which is such a blessing. That's certainly not to say he doesn't let us know when he's hungry or tired. In fact, on one recent ride home from my my in-laws, he cried pretty much the whole way home because he was just so exhausted from a flu shot he'd received. I've really been hesitant to mention how good a sleeper he is in this blog since I have read countless stories of sleepless nights by parents and babies alike and I didn't want to seem like I was gloating. It's just how he is.

As shown in these last two photos, he's totally adorable, cute, and handsome whether he's awake or asleep! There is undoubtedly some parental bias in that statement, but we have had some outside opinions that indicate he's universally cute. ;) When we took him to his last appointment with the pediatrician, everyone in the waiting room, including other kids, were just starting at him and saying he should be on the cover of a magazine. It is true that he has the traditional "Gerber baby" look that they notice, but I think it's really his demeanor that engenders him to people we meet on the street. I just love the fact that people smile at me (really at him) when I've got the boy with me instead of that look people have when they don't know you from Adam.

So, that's the boy as of this past August and I'll bring the pictures up to date in the next few posts. When I saw that it had been a week since I had posted last I was very surprised, so I'll have to get it in gear this next week. I hope everyone had a good Turkey Day which we spent with my wife's folks. And, bless her, my wife actually went to some of the early morning sales on "Black Friday" and got a couple good bargains to boot. I have often failed to understand why people get up so early, but the deals were especially good this year and I think there is a camaraderie that develops with other people in line. I have to say in this era of Internet and indirect communication, the activity is quite social. We'll probably venture out again tomorrow once the professional shoppers have gathered their hauls! More to come!

Waking Up

Whenever I'm under a lot of stress, I tend to get only small tasks accomplished and the big, important stuff gets pushed aside. I guess it's because the small tasks give me a quick sense of accomplishment but not quite enough to make me feel like I can take on more valued projects. One of the things that gets ignored during these times is this blog and I shouldn't let that happen. Writing (when it isn't a required activity) has always been a good outlet for me and helps to empty my thoughts. Then, instead of letting them cascade around my brain, I can leave them on the page to fight amongst themselves.

As some may know from reading this blog, I have been struggling through my doctoral program for years. There were several bumps along the way and I have never wanted to be a quitter, but lately I've realized that I'm not on the right path. Many things have changed since I started the program as an eager 25 year old. I had become a listless 31 year old who had very little vision of where he was going. My wife told me that it had been a long time since I had been truly happy and not enveloped in some level of pain. I've probably known this for awhile, but until recently I wasn't able to admit it to myself.

The greater part of me expressed the need to make a clean break from my program and leave it behind, but there are undoubtedly some advantages to finishing the degree. There have been a number of things about the program that made it nearly impossible to finish, so I wrote a letter to my advisor asking if those obstacles could be sidestepped or even eliminated. I figured there wasn't any harm in trying since I had very little to loose, but the likelihood that such conditions would be accepted seems very low. So, why didn't I just make the break? At the time it seemed egotistical to think there was absolutely no chance things could change for the better and I had to give it a try.

In the two weeks since I sent that letter I have heard nothing and any resolve I had to continue in the program has begun to fall behind me. The person I was, the conditions and influences that propelled me, and the influences that blindly guided me are all gone now. That isn't to say that I am an empty vessel waiting to be filled since I've never believed that was what I'm all about. It was a big step to realize I was on the wrong path, but that doesn't mean the journey ahead will be easy. On the contrary, it may be much more difficult.

So, here I am on the verge of a new voyage where I can leave behind the anchors I had left dragging in the sand. I know now that I have to release them if I ever hope to find out who I really am and what it is I'm going to become. The anchor to friends that left me behind in their self absorbed world, the anchor to a childhood that was filled with negative influences and nightmares, the anchor that told me I couldn't change and become who I want to be...all need to be left behind in the harbor so I can set sail and finally wake up.

Pastimes

It's been a busy couple of weeks here, most notably with my wife having surgery this past Monday. It had been originally scheduled for December, but when her doctor had an opening she took it since she'd be in a good deal of pain. For longtime readers, you already know that my wife has Endometriosis and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and that she had surgery a few years ago. Well, this time was basically the same thing: to check things out and see how each condition has progressed. The only major change from her last surgery is that she does have some cysts on her ovaries, which was largely expected and why we were encouraged to have our son when we did.

So, my wife will be home for the next couple weeks and, at least for now, I'm doing most of the boy's evening care in addition to my usual stay at home dad activities. Understandably, she's been resting and taking it easy since surgery always comes with some pain. So, all in all, I'm quite sure I'm getting the better end of the deal.

As for the boy's progress, he's now walking around like a pro and has taken to it like a fish in water. His favorite pastime at the moment is to waddle over to where we're sitting and bring book to us. That doesn't mean he wants us to read it as he often just walks away, so we're not always sure what he wants exactly. He's also getting to that stage where he makes this subtle whine when he doesn't get what he wants the moment he wants it, but I imagine most kids go through that stage. Last night he found his belly button for the first time and walked around with his gut hanging out. He's also got nearly a full set of choppers which we're told is a bit early and he sure loves to flash those pearly whites!

I've gotten a few requests for recent pictures of the boy which I'll try to get up before the end of the week. I'm also doing my best to get my daily zazen routine down and to talk more about it in this blog which I will also work to do. My mind has been ablaze with various thoughts and I know some meditation would be what the Zen Master ordered, so I've promised myself I'd make the time for that. So, I'll go do those things and check back with all of you later in the week! ;)