Sunday, July 06, 2008

To Blog Or Not To Blog?

It's been another 3 months since my last post and I'm still here, so I guess that means I haven't really answered that question. I go back and forth between wanting a place to process my thoughts and wondering if I really have anything interesting to say. Sometimes it's a cathartic exercise where I get stuff off my chest and other times I think to myself, "Who cares?" If I have anything important to say I'll usually say it in person, over chat, or in an email. So, what's the point of having a blog or blogging in general?

Any blogging I've done in the past 3 months hasn't been here and what little there has been was on a parenting blog where I was asked to be a contributor a few months ago. I was about as successful at that site as I've been here, perhaps a bit more so, but I just really couldn't post as much as the blog needed and frankly deserved. I wasn't the only one who fell short of posting weekly as most others qualified at about the same frequency I did, but I couldn't exactly feel too bad since while I wasn't blogging on parenting I was actually spending time parenting.

A few days ago I walked away from that particular blog and since I didn't live up to the promise I'd made to be a contributor I really can't complain that much about anything that transpired, but after the creator of the blog posted about the lack of activity on the site and its prospects for the future, one of the bloggers that had been active went on a very long rant. She wrote about the "measly" and "lousy" efforts of those (including myself) who hadn't put in their proper amount of posts which I couldn't dispute, but the overall tone of the post had been very offensive to me and I said so. What followed was a war of words I helped to fuel, but ultimately I tried to wave a flag of truce only to get a virtual slap in the face for my trouble.

In the days since I left, the blog has gone on largely as if nothing ever happened and I don't suppose that's unusual for many blogs after a flame war. I've been on many sites where people have posted less than flattering things about others and rarely have any of them gotten me very upset. Much like those other sites I chose to leave of my own accord since no one needs to deal with that kind of abuse. However, this one was different since I personally know the site's creator as well as more than a couple of the other posters who had been called out as giving "zero effort" by this particular contributor. What bothered me was that no one else (except my wife who was also writing for the blog) seemed to much care about what the person had said about me or their own efforts on the site.

As I just mentioned, I've left more than a couple sites where individuals had said nasty things about me or something I posted, so perhaps it's hypocritical of me to expect a different standard from others, but I felt very alone in my rebuttal to this woman's charges. I shouldn't have spoken for anyone else but myself and probably not said anything at all, but when I felt that decent people doing their best were being attacked I went on the offensive. I didn't expect anyone to take sides in the war of words that followed but some balanced response...frankly any response...about this woman's charges was apparently more than I should have expected.

So, I guess live and learn is the lesson I should take out of the whole thing, but I can't shake my feeling that if someone you call a friend sticks their neck out and nearly gets it cut off, you jump in and defend them! I'm not saying you blindly agree with what they did or said, but in that moment when they are being cut down you just react. If you think they were a bonehead for saying what they did or for saying anything at all that's fine. However, that can come later after the attack is over and they can lick their wounds.

Maybe that's just me and I'm just completely out there on a limb. That's fine. I can live with that. I just wonder if blogging, something originally created as a means of staying in touch with people you care about, is now all about stroking each other's egos and finding people who tell us what we want to hear. The anonymous nature of blogging makes it pretty easy to attack anyone you don't agree with in a way you'd never do in person. And these days the point of a blog is often more about how many hits you get than really giving a crap about what anyone is saying. If that's all that blogging is about, then it's not for me. We'll just have to see if that's the final conclusion I'm eventually able to draw, but I definitely hope I come to a different one.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think in the end it all comes back to you. :)

Not 'you' as in Scott, but 'you' in the general sense that applies to everyone.

'You' have to ask yourself, as does everyone who blogs, why do you do it?

Is it to keep in touch with friends and family?
Meet new people?
Tap into creative outlets?
Express your opinion?
Earn an income?

I have always enjoyed your blog posts and would be sad to see you completely disappear from the blogosphere. Whether you realize it or not, you are the reason I began blogging. I had run across a few blogs on the net, but knew little of them. You were the first person I knew that had one and I couldn't wait to 'tune in.' At that point you were updating regularly while waiting for your son's arrival. Although it would be a little more time before I tried it myself you were my example at the time.

I struggle with myself in the blogging world on a daily basis. There's ME. My personal blog that shares and highlights the intimate trappings of my life despite how mundane, but has opened lines of communication with my family and friends which has been wonderful. Then there's 'the blog that shall not be named' where I desperately wanted respect and to be noticed for the actual thoughts in my head. Where I wanted other people who didn't know me in the real world to know me.

And thus I am stuck because there's two of me, but really they write about the same topic. (Gee...that was freakin brilliant).

So as for you deciding whether to blog or not...I guess I digress...IF you enjoy blogging...then blog...but I think for awhile you've struggled with the WHY you blog...

Now on to the other...if the comments of others (the blog that shall not be named aside)bother you there's always the option of just straight writing with comments turned off. But something tells me that you want the dialog that occurs between people in a blog.

Sigh...and thus is the dilemma...once you decide to blog you've made the choice to plaster yourself on the net for the world to see. We try to take precautions by disclosing only what we need to, but the bottom line is it's always a risk as long as comments are engaged.

Over time I've had some people say some horrendous things to me. Personal things that in the beginning cut me to the core. Things that if they had been said to my face would have led me to likely tackle the person to floor in a screaming fit of rage. And then one evening I was stewing about a particular comment and I realized that it had put me in a foul mood and that now I was in my PHYSICAL home, with my FAMILY, and I was miserable and cranky and now it was spreading to all of them like a cancer. Just because of some jerk online that I didn't even really know. From that point forward I decided I just couldn't let it get to me. If it did I would go mad. Unless it threatened the safety of myself or my family I couldn't let the actions of someone located across the country ruin my day. I had enough people I had to deal with face to face on a daily basis with actual potential to ruin my day.

Does it mean comments still don't bother me? Of course not. I still read comments and swear at them, but then brush them off. In fact often when I DONT respond it's because I find it more bothersome or hurtful than when I do.

I also admit that I do gloat a little bit, because I figure the person is looking to engage me in a fight and if I don't fight it must frustrate them to no end. ;)

I don't mean to trivialize your negative experiences online. I just hope that at some point in time you can find a calm place within yourself that lets the comments bounce right off and not sink in. There's no need for them to stick....they do you no good...there's no need to hold on to them...

I'm sorry that they've shaken you to the point of questioning whether to continue blogging or not.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I think thier's a real need for us generation x dads to speak up. For better or worse, we don't have a voice out there right now. You could even say dads don't have a champion in society.

We get the short end of it many times, and there are some great dads. It seems the celebrity, part-timer dads get the limelight.

I'm going to include a link to your blog on mine. Maybe it'll encourage you to chime in with your blog more often, even a comment or two is great. I try to write something everyday, but if i don't, oh well.

hope to see your next blog soon.

take care,
matt

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